My Parents, the English Majors

So the other night my Dad texted me. Two things to know before you read the text:
1. Despite many attempts to text my father, he has NEVER texted me in my life.
2. I hadn't spoken to him in about 5 days when I got this.

Expecting a response from my roommates whom I had just texted I open my phone to see a text message from Dad. It reads:

"Hi im suns game gin w ty B and b at U TWO"

Now this may take a while for most of you to decipher, but not me. It appears that my parents are more alike than I ever knew. This kind of cryptic writing using letters for names and few transition words is how my mom writes letters. Any Baird who is trained in reading my mom's weekly emails understands this sentence perfectly. The ridiculous part is that WHAT THE HECK, WHY DID HE TEXT ME THAT? It's not like I had tried to reach him and he was letting me know where everyone was. It's as if he is texting me his facebook or twitter status completely out of the blue! Now, if the point was to make me jealous of what everyone was doing, then mission accomplished Dad.

Linx and I were in tears from laughter, but after regaining composure I decided to text him back. No response.

Dad, if you are reading this, thanks for the text. I'm very excited that you have developed these skills. Now let's work on opening and responding to messages that I send you! Same to you Mom. Side note: Mom used to send me texts that were all one word, but she has learned how to space!!!

I'm DYING

So in the past two weeks I have acquired a lovely set of bruises on my right leg. Big deal right? Well I have been FREAKING out because I never bruise. All of my life I have been upset that my body wouldn't produce "battle wounds". At dance everyone's knees would be covered with bruises, except for me, making it appear that I wasn't working as hard. The weirdest part about these bruises is that I don't remember hurting myself in any way.

After realizing that the bruises seemed to appear in the mornings I confronted Linx about the possibility of her beating me in my sleep. I never received a straight up denial, but she quickly went to the internet to find out what was wrong with me. Cover up? I think yes. I was quickly diagnosed with anemia and some other disease that I can't remember. However, I still had my suspicions about my new sketchy room mate.

The next night I had a nightmare: I had just returned to my house in AZ, it was empty, but a crazy killer was trying to get in and kill me. Before I could lock all the doors and set the alarm the killer finds a door that I missed and gets in the house. This is a recurring dream, but never before has the killer been the one and only LINX! I ran to my neighbor's house and hid in their garage. My neighbor, trying to protect me, ran out to the driveway and started yelling at Linx: "What do you want from her!?" Linx's response: "Well I guess I'll just take twenty bucks."

SERIOUSLY?!

My doctor, Brittany, has confirmed that either I have leukemia or that Linx is beating me in my sleep. Upon confronting her on the subject again she said she would take $20 for each bruise-free night.

Where do all the pregnant women hang out?

So even though at the moment BYU is being dumb and not letting me double major-I will fight them-I am still on the email list for the School of Family Life. Yesterday I received this email regarding a thesis project:

"Good morning SFL Students! My name is Tianna Watson and I'm a grad student in the Nutritional Sciences program."

My first thought was, "well, hello Tianna, why are you emailing the SFL people if you are in Nutritional Sciences?" My question was immediately answered with the next line:

"I am currently trying to recruit pregnant women for my thesis project."

I just about died laughing...I love Home and Family Living.

Ostracized in Style

For those of you who are dedicated blog readers you will remember by post "I Sleep in a Drawer" over the summer. After I posted that I realized that many of my family members read my blog...it caused quite an uproar. Did my powerful rhetoric do its job?

Last Sunday I got a message from my mother offering me a hotel room for Thanksgiving.

Each time I tell someone about this they think my family is crazy. Let me explain. My parents often get a room at Orange Tree which is literally a block away. Andrew and Courtney want to stay at our house so they can put their kids to bed and still hang out with everyone. Therefore, Dayne and Myhoa "get" the hotel room, which everyone thought they liked. FALSE. They want to be at the house with everyone. Our family just loves each other so much. Therefore, I will not get a bed since there are only two at home. Since we already had a hotel room reserved, it was offered to me. I actually feel fine about this, let's be honest I will probably like everyone a lot more that whole week if I get to sleep in everyday. The only thing holding me back is that I just feel like it is weird! I left the decision in my parents hands.

As I was explaining this dilemma to SAC all she could say to me was "you are still being ostracized". I'm going to choose to ignore this half glass empty outlook on life.