Start with Chapter 34

Yes. I have fallen off the face of the earth. This is my life:

1. Go to work all day. I'm interning at Nu Skin(yay!) and on campus(yuck!)

2. Eat food. Currently I have very little of this.

3. Go to the gym.

4. See boyfriend.

5. See friends, if they happen to be at my house.

6. Look for jobs.

7a. Give up and realize that I will be an intern forever. OR

7b. Get my hopes up and send out resumes.

8. Sleep.

I'm 3 weeks behind on So You Think You Can Dance. I can't remember the last time I talked to any of my siblings or friends from home. I have 3 days left with Rachel and 6 with Liz. I don't know where I will be in a month. BUT!!!! I finished this: www.emilybrookebaird.com

Done and done.

Um Hi! I graduated. For reals. It's over.

I'm sure one day I'll look back and miss school, actually I already miss parts of it, but it needed to be done.

For about two minutes I dreamed about evenings and weekends free of homework and stress, a clean room, home cooked meals, the gym, the pool, and a savings account.

Then I remember that in 2 months I won't have a job. Such is life. However, if you could hand me a dream job on a silver platter I would really appreciate it. I promise I'll be good at it.

I'm not Stanley

Ok so I admit it. I have a love for Geico commercials. You may not get it, but I love them. There was this one, years ago, where the gecko spun around on the beach with a woman. The song that was playing was absolutely genius!! Do we recall? "Some times when we touch, the honesty is too much..." Perfection. For years after this Liz and I would frequently have this conversation about how we couldn't remember who sings it. Time would pass, one of us would remember and/or look it up, and then we would promptly forget before I could get my hands on it. Well one day I decided to put an end to this madness once and for all. So, when Liz reminded me that Dan Hill sings this wonderful song, I quickly added him as a fake contact in my phone with "1" as his phone number. Success! I later purchased the song with the help of my new "contact" and Liz and I have been enjoying the beauty ever since. Now to the real reason we're here...

Last night was horrible. Couldn't fall asleep, coughing, freaky dreams, you get the idea. AND THEN at 4:55 AM I awoke to my phone ringing. Blasphemy! I know nobody who would be calling me at this time! I thought it must be a mistake. I looked to see who it was. Dan Hill. No area code, no seven digits, just "1". DAN HILL?! I ignored the call. Needless to say the weird dreams continued. So when I awoke this morning and remembered what MUST have been a dream I checked my phone. And there in my call log. Last call RECEIVED, not a call that I made, a call TO ME. Dan Hill. Phone number "1". I have since checked 3 more times for good measure. My phone is scary. STOP THE MADNESS!

You know I don't speak Spanish

For 22 years I've been saying:

Anyways.

Turns out there is no "s" at the end people. It's just "anyway".

Tie you over.

Wrong-o. Turns out this one is in fact "Tide you over". It comes from the Old English tide, meaning time. Like yuletide.

Shouldn't someone have told me these things? Ridiculous. I guess Dad was too busy correcting my usage of number vs. amount.

Salamander Frenzy

I got mail today people. From the University of Alabama. Is it possible that I have never blogged about this subject? I'm too lazy to look back and see if I have, but listen up. It all started in high school. I received my first letter from the University of Alabama. Assuming that they just wanted me to go to school there, I just threw away their letters for several months. I still have yet to find a reason to set foot in Alabama, why bother to open their pleas for my academic genius.
However, a strange thing happened when I started school at BYU. The letters continued. They weren't forwarded from my home, but had my actual dorm address on them. This has continued throughout the years, at every apartment that I have lived in. Lesson #56 about me: When things annoy me, I just let them annoy me until it gets to the point where I freak out. However, when the freak outs become funny to room mates and friends, I let said thing continue to annoy me for comic relief. Lesson #1 about me: My greatest joy is being funny. Therefore, I have done nothing to stop contact with University of Alabama. One time SJ called them to set things straight, but they were closed.
Oh wait, remember how I have left out possibly the best part of this story? All letters are addressed to Mrs. Emily Blackwood Baird. Issues here being that #1a. I am not married and #2b. My maiden name/middle name is in fact not Blackwood. However, we do share initials, so obviously they can't be expected to realize that this is in fact not me. It took a couple of years for me to even realize that these letters were in fact coming from the Alumni Association. You'd think someone would have caught on when they were sending an Alabama Alum mail at a dorm, but alas.
Okay so the point is that it has happened again today, but this is my favorite so far. We are having our 50 year REUNION! Turns out that I graduated in 1961!

So Mrs. Emily Blackwood Baird, wherever you are. I'm really sorry that you will be missing this reunion, but I'm really jealous that you guys had sock hops, the pictures look awesome!

Ed Hardy

A couple of weeks ago, Liz asked me to turn in her request for a transcript. Yay for grad school! In true Emily fashion I forgot to take it on two separate occasions, so she drove me to the ASB to drop it off. I got in line behind an Ed Hardy character. If you don't know what Ed Hardy is then this story won't be nearly as good, feel free to do a quick Google search. So Ed Hardy is power-stancing it in front of the desk and explaining his predicament. Obviously I couldn't help but listen in. The conversation goes a little like this:

Ed Hardy: "So I requested a transcript a while ago and it was never sent."

Desk guy: "I'm sorry, what's your name? I'll look up the status of it."

EH: "Ed Hardy."

DG: "I have see no information about this. When did you request it?"

EH: "About a year ago."

(WHAT!? This is when I started freaking out. Are you kidding me? You asked for a transcript one YEAR ago and now you are just checking up on things? I mean normally ordering a transcript signals some sort of new school or something important. It just didn't show up so you put your life on hold for A YEAR?!)

Desk Guy: "Oh. Well, yeah, we don't keep information for that long. I'll just have to have you fill out a new one."

EH: "Do you have the address for UVU on hand?"

And that's when it all made sense...

Chins

Due to a combination of factors I have lost like 6 pounds in the past week. It made me think of this picture: